Combatting Insomnia

Insomnia... Sounds familiar??! Well, I bet the one reading this blog right now, is one too... hehe... What is it about insomnia?!!
Coming to think of me, I was like an early bird a few years back... When the clock ticks 9.30pm, "lights out" and I'd be in an exotic location, singing these typical tamil duets with my sweetheart!
I was the subject of laughter just because I went to bed early, had no eye bags or dark circles hehe... Most people around me were simulating a typical US time zone (Now don't at all ask me which time zone of US... 4 timezones, daylight saving and all that crap!)
Nocturnal... and happy about that!
It used to amaze me back then... What it is to stay awake all night? I used to wonder what mischief these people were upto hehe...

But now I realize, its heavenly... Not that I'm a prankster now hehe... I don't find the necessity to combat insomnia... It gives me all the freedom I need, all the time I need and all the space I need for myself... I guess I've to rephrase it to "Combatting sleep" ("Sleep".... I know its a rare commodity!) hehe...

And, hey there, if you are not one, get on your heels, visit a doc and join the gang! hehe

Be proud to be an insomniac!

Hail the insomniacs of the world!!!

Knowing the Unknown

In my 23 odd years of life in this planet, little have I felt the need to investigate on the existence of a supreme power. In the early days of my childhood, I had seen my parents thronging temples, visiting gurus, et al. With each passing day they seemed to get tired of the drill. In simple words, they realized “God is within you, why search elsewhere” and I grew up to believe the same!
When I was a child, I asked what GOD meant. I had always thought it was an abbreviation of sorts. And to make me understand in that tender age, the answer I got was quite simple. GOD meant Generator, Operator and Destroyer, which made me all the more curious and I shot back with yet another question. “If GOD is good, and does good to us, why would He be a destroyer?” I had also once asked “How does God look?” And all I got was “Go look in the pooja room. Is that convincing enough?” Though my little mind bore umpteen questions which invited barely satisfying answers, I tagged along to the temples, uttering those few prayers I knew, dabbing vermilion on my forehead with great pride as if it were a crown.
Now, when am quizzed about my idea of God, I stand perplexed as I have no answers. I believe there is an unfathomable interconnection between science and spirituality, both of which are definitely not mutually exclusive, and explaining the unknown is indeed complex and beyond my ability. Am I an atheist? Am I a theist? An agnostic? A spiritualist? I really do not know. In my quest for knowing the unknown, I shall find the same!

An enemy to fight!

In troubled times, I see

A static in my eyes,

Which crystalises to a battlefield

Urging me to fight.

I see a cohort of enemies

Of converged goals,

To bring me down

And tear my soul.

I stand afore

Merged foemen

Prepared to wage

A solitary naif.

Ensconced to take on

The fiery battle,

I choose Fear

My first enemy to fight!

He assailed my faith

And hopes of life,

Tethered me

And placed in confines.

I fight against him

With unswerving determination,

To resurface

And take on life.

The obscure front

Dissolves before me,

And gives me profound courage

To cope with life's complexities.

He's really an enemy to fight!

An unanswered question!

"Evlo kudupeenga?"

"40."

"Illa ma, vela vaasi yeri pochu, petrol velai yeri pochu. 80 kudunga."

"40."

"70."

"40."

"60."

"40 than."

"Ukaarunga!"

Phew.... Finally, we embarked on our expedition to the shopping kingdom in Madras. The automan was indeed indignant on the downright flat negotiation. Our survival tactic!! Scurrying past the barren G N Chetty road, we were busy discussing the shops we planned to invade as part of our shopping spree, brushing off his rash driving and scary negotiations with bikers.

T Nagar is apparently the heaviest place on earth, teeming with people throughout the year! And with the new traffic regulations, T Nagar looks totally battered and shaken.

A few feet behind Panagal park, the automan stopped abruptly. He was still fumigating at us and when we demanded the reason for the cessation, he unwillingly uttered just two words "Auto pogaadhu!" Nevertheless, we paid him! We were marooned in the middle of the road by the vengeful automan. He must have felt ecstatic.

It took us a couple of minutes to fathom why autos cannot proceed beyond Panagal park. We resorted to a promenade amidst a fast moving crowd. Gasping for fresh air, we struggled our way through the fleeting crowd of prospective shoppers.

In just two hours, we had gone through enough so as to feel groggy. Walking past Pothy's, we were awestruck to see their heavy and jazzy decoration! Even more in awe to see people striding in and out of Pothy's, making their way effortlessly through the pouring crowd.

Considering the fact that we would be reduced to bones if we entered Pothy's at this hour of the day, we hurriedly turned to Nalli 100.

And then Sri Kumaran.

Then Rmkv.

And SKC.

And Naidu Hall (Luckily this was our last stop!)

I was almost dead!

"Woosh...That's the end of it!" We decided to go through the same rigmarole and boarded an auto. We started out at 9am and now the clock ticked 5pm.

On our way back, my sister, unflinched by the series of events we went through, asked me "I need to buy a dupatta. I forgot! Shall we come down to Nalli 100 tomorrow??"

I still haven't answered her! Ha...

The reality!

"Are you sure you want this?"

"Yes."

"Can I block this for you?"

"Yes."

"Again, are you sure?"

Sure as hell "Yes."

This was the start of a new phase in my life. I'm amazed at how I effortlessly made my way so far. Hardwired and pre-programmed. I wanted it and I have it! I don't regret compulsively. I don't wish to complain either. But this is what I'm going to do in this post!

Ofcourse, I don't have the vein to complain about my alma mater no matter how irksome it might prove to be. Because "I wanted it and I have it!" But I feel pangs of discomfort and vexation at the very sound of it. How I wish to detach myself...

I never thought the word "boredom" could have myriad variants. I have felt every iota of it! I have swept (not the literal "sweep") every inch of the marble flooring in my lab and I know its dimensions too. I'm sure I'l blow up computers sooner or later! I know what the trees and edifices in my campus think... I pay and get bored!

I have learnt to endure these teeny-weeny rashes (apparently they now seem so small!), because the big day is not far away. I can see it approaching and growing in size...

Right from day one, I've not witnessed anything but "deviation from standards". We frame our own syllabi, we choose our own reference books, and we choose our own staff... I can hear you cry "Wow, Great!". Don't think so! Make a sojourn to my alma mater... I bet you will flee in no time...

After one whole year of identity crisis, mercifully, we were granted the ID card. We have a couple of hopeless guest lectures and highly irrelevant conferences every month. And, we teach the guests english!

I'm coerced to put up with this only because I said "Yes" thrice! And this is the reality!

Abandoned dreams...

Lying snugly in a dilapidated shed
His tender lips, chapped in the dry weather,
Longing for the elixir of life,
Open up to utter those few utterances,
Oblivious to his conscious...
He travels afar
Transcending reality,
To a wonderland
Sans war
Sans impoverishment
Sans famine...
His eyes, welled up with tears
Raring to see the plush life,
Jolts open to the sound
Of a distant cannon
Only to realize
He lives a life of abandoned dreams....